Tag Archive | Domestic Violence

Why doesn’t she just leave him?

In this Women’s Live’s, Women’s Voice’ feature in support of the 16 days of action campaign Donegal local Jenna talks about the issue of domestic abuse, highlighting why it’s so important to understand the realities of victims and survivors.

Did you know Ireland is currently taking part in the annual International campaign known as the 16 Days of Action? This internationally recognised campaign runs from 25th November (UN Day For the Elimination of Violence against Women) to 10th December 2020 (International Human Rights Day). It is a campaign used to highlight the issue of gender based violence and an organising strategy by individuals and organisations around the world to call for the prevention and elimination of violence against women and girls. (UN Women)

Gender-Based Violence refers to “violence that is directed against a person on the basis of gender or sex and includes acts that inflict physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other denials of freedom” (cosc.ie)

And while both men and women can experience gender based violence the reality however remains that in 2020 it is women and girls who are disproportionately affected by this violence. With 1 in 4 women in Ireland having experienced domestic abuse by a current or former partner. (Women’s Aid)

Why doesn’t she just leave him?

By nature people are quick to form judgments. Have you ever sat just drinking a coffee and watching strangers pass by as you contemplate what kind of people they may be? I think it’s normal for us to create stories in our minds now and again about the lives of others and the characteristics they may possess.

Or maybe you can think of a time when you have read or watched a news story on television and had speculated about those involved and how they might have found themselves in a certain situation.

We take in what we can see in front of us and somehow our brains begin to connect the dots and form opinions about people. Maybe in some cases we judge correctly but in others we are just guessing without any real depth of knowledge.

Perhaps it is something we can teach ourselves to refrain from doing. Maybe sometimes we need to take a step back and really truly think about the person we are making the assumptions about.

“Before you judge my life, my past or my character, walk in my shoes, walk the path I have travelled, live my sorrow, my doubts, my fear, my pain and my laughter” – Unknown

After my sister’s death last year I learned a lot of life lessons that I’d never imagined I would have to. I had to face things that I would never have dreamed could have happened to our family. I definitely learned that we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives and the difficulties they face.

Since Jasmine died I think that people feel as though they can talk to me about their own problems more so than a person who hasn’t experienced this tragedy. Through this difficult journey I have had several women talk to me about their past experiences with domestic violence or the current situation that they are in.

I truly don’t think that enough people are aware of the extent of people who are having to deal with gender based violence in their lives. So many of the victims who I have spoken to are probably the women who society would ‘never expect’ would find themselves in a situation like that. But unfortunately this type of violence is happening more than we think.

Why doesn’t she just leave him? A question that has probably been asked a million times. Maybe to some people this is a logical question. Just walk away. Simple? Every million times this question is asked there are another million responses as to why this question isn’t in fact helpful or logical.

When I was asked to take part in 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence I knew that I had to take this opportunity to share some of the reasons that the women I have spoken to share with me.

One of the reasons that came up over and over again was because of the children.

“A mother will do almost anything to protect her child and I stayed because I didn’t know what could happen if I tried to leave.” – Lady 1

“I felt as though I was trapped and if I moved then my children would be in danger” – Lady 2

Another reason that we discussed was the guilt that the victim is made to feel.

“I stayed with him because he said he was going to kill himself and it would be all my fault ” – Lady 3

This type of threat was also used against a victim but while adding the extra danger by involving the child. “I stayed with him because he threatened to kill himself or run away with our daughter if I left” – Lady 4

Other reasons why these women stayed included an immense sense of fear. A feeling of shame about the situation they are in and also financial constraints. If they left, where would they go, how could they leave without the money to escape.

But all of the victims I spoke to did express something that it is so important, that gender based violence becomes something that people are more aware of. That questions and judgmental statements aren’t helpful in preventing it from happening. Awareness is key and in order to help these people we must understand that everything isn’t always black and white and there are so many factors involved in these extremely dangerous circumstances.

So why doesn’t she just leave him? It’s most definitely not that simple.

Please know you are not alone, there are people you can talk to. If you or any one you know have been effected by domestic abuse you can find support with the following services;

Local county wide support in Donegal

Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service is a frontline service providing crisis accommodation, 24 hr helpline, support (1800262677) and information and outreach service throughout the County to women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.

Donegal Women’s Centre operate a domestic violence counselling service delivered in the Donegal Women’s Centre with outreach centres in, Killybegs, Ballyshannon, Falcarragh, Dungloe and Carndonagh. Call 074 91 24985 for appointment or more information

National support in Ireland

Women’s Aid Ireland Freephone Helpline (1800 341 900) operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and provides support and information to callers experiencing abuse from intimate partners.

Safe Ireland You can find a list of County services across Ireland here.

Men’s Aid Ireland is a service for men who are experiencing domestic violence. You can call them on 01 554 3811or email hello@mensaid.ie.
Their helpline is open Monday to Friday, from 9am to 5pm.

The National Office for Victims of Abuse provides assistance, support and advice for people in abusive relationships. Freephone 1800 252 524.

Anyone who may wish to report or discuss an incident of Domestic or Sexual Violence can contact 112/999 or their local Garda Station.

NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.

Keeping Women’s Equality on the Agenda

Jul15

By Finola Brennen, NCCWN Donegal Women’s Network Coordinator

The Irish Government has made many commitments, drawn up many strategies and signed many obligations towards achieving women’s equality. Without a doubt some progress has been made but when you listen to women experiencing disadvantage and who find themselves marginalised, we know why the vital work of The National Collective of Community-based Women’s Network (NCCWN) is needed.

In 2010 when local Government was been reformed 17 individual women’s networks successfully lobbied Minister Carey for our autonomy and holding our focus on working with and advocating for women experiencing disadvantage and marginalisation.

The NCCWN is managed on a voluntary basis by women who have been empowered within their own communities. Last year they managed a budget of 1.3 million, directly employed a staff of 44 and indirectly employed 156 women.

While each of the 17 networks may work in different ways, what we all have in common is a shared set of values that informs WHAT we do, HOW we do it and WHY we do it. Our vision is for a just and equal society for women and underpinning our work are feminist principles.

My work has been based in Donegal a very beautiful place but alongside that beauty and ruggedness is the reality of isolation and economic deprivation which impacts hugely on the everyday lives of ordinary women.

Donegal is

Predominately rural
The majority of lone-parents, homemakers and carers are women
It has the highest level of unemployment of all constituencies
Highs level of emigration
And has a very high age dependency ratio

Everyone wants to do the best for their children and their loved ones but for women who have a low income, who have a disability, are from the Traveller community, are full-time carers, or who for whatever reason have no economic independence these women know the reality of poverty and the effect this has on their health and the quality of their lives and that of their families.

Employment and Welfare

Once employment gave security and a quality of life but we now have 16% of those working, living in poverty. Women in particular are vulnerable to low wages and precarious employment with 50% of women earning €20,000 or less.

It is a fact that one parent families tend to have the lowest disposable income out of all the households in the state. In Donegal 93.5% of lone parents are women. So what is their reality?

For women living only on social welfare benefits, the week in week out drudge of living on such a low income greatly adds to their stress levels and ultimately impacts negatively on their physical and mental health.

For some women managing means no heat while the children are at school, buying everything second hand for themselves and their children, including the school uniforms. I know a number of women who cut their own hair as going to the hair dresser is a luxury they cannot afford and the word holiday is not even in their vocabulary. In rural areas it maybe the monthly trip to do the essential shopping that is their day out.

Incorporate into this picture childhood illnesses, or having a child with a disability and the consequences are unimaginable. The extra costs of attending the GP when a taxi is their only option of transport, or having to attend the hospital which could be over 40 miles away may leave the woman having to get into debt.

Lack of accessible affordable childcare especially in rural area compounds the poverty trap for lone parents with many women unable to access training or to find work.

Some women with no family support, no money for social occasions or interaction develop low self –esteem which compounds their struggle to stay healthy, for their greatest fear is, ‘What happens to my children, if I am sick?’

Domestic violence

For women who find themselves in a domestic abusive relationship, lack of economic independence can often be the main reason why she stays. When a woman leaves the home and we know that this is the most dangerous time for women, in rural areas where transport is so difficult, it increases their risk of danger.

Ironically, it is the woman experiencing an abusive relationship that becomes homeless and dependent on the support of the frontline services as a safe haven. Legal support and advice is available through legal aid for women who cannot afford independent advice but there is an initial consultation fee of €130.00. Where does a woman with no income find this?

Disability

Cuts to home helps and people with disabilities is having a particular harrowing effect on the most vulnerable in our society. Many women find themselves alone and afraid in their homes, especially in rural areas where you may not even see the light of your neighbour’s house.

What is now been put in place as care is a time managed operation that takes away that person’s independence because it is easier to do an action than afford the less abled person the dignity and respect of doing it for themselves. There is little time to give value who they are, to chat about what is important to them. Those who are providing this service do their very best but they themselves are constrained by the system that governs.

Most women with disabilities or older women are reliant are state support and can afford to pay the transport costs for ‘getting out’ the money is kept for the trip to the Doctor or the chiropodist. In the case where wheelchair accessible transport is required this may have to come from an urban area and will be more expensive because of its exclusivity.

Childcare

Lack of accessible affordable childcare is huge barrier for women seeking some economic independence. According to a major economic report commissioned by the Donegal County Childcare Committee in 2013, the annual cost of full-time childcare for a two-child family is €16, 500. Among lower income groups 56% indicated that the cost of childcare prevented them from looking for a job. Within the childcare sector over 25,000 receive less than € 11 an hour women it is just another example of the value given caring roles which predominately are women.

A different future

All the above is unacceptable and needs to be addressed by the implantation of the Irish government’s policy’s, strategies and legal commitments locally, nationally and internationally.

The work and vision of the 5050 Group which seeks to bring a gender balance to politics in Ireland and NCCWN continued work in supporting and empowering women in our community’s is therefore critical in achieving social justice and equality in Ireland.

Breaking the Silence

Jul6

There are various forms of violence committed against women and one of the most prevalent is sexual violence.

By definition sexual violence means any non-consented act or activity imposed upon a person. The violence itself can take various forms “including but not restricted to: rape, sexual assault, child sexual abuse, sexual harassment, rape within marriage/relationships, forced marriage, so-called honour-based violence, female genital mutilation, trafficking, sexual exploitation, and ritual abuse.” (Rape Crisis Organisation)

Sexual violence never seems to be an easy topic to openly discuss due in part to its sensitive nature, a situation which seems to only feed the crime’s prevalence.

Research in Ireland (SAVI) showed that 42% of women and 28% of men as having experienced some form of sexual abuse or assault in their lifetime (McGee et al, 2002). Further research shows that only around 33% of incidents are reported in Ireland to the police or another formal authority. (Donegal Rape Crisis Centre, 2012) While 90% of sexual violence perpetrators are known to their victim. Such statistics highlight the victim’s insecurity over coming forward and the fact that perpetrators are commonly known to them.

By engaging in an open conversation however we can help break down the negative attitudes and barriers which allow sexual violence to continue and instead start to ensure its prevention.

To help bring awareness to the crime of sexual violence, Inclusion Ireland has produced an information booklet, which holds answers to some of the questions people may be afraid to ask. While it also provides information of the support available to victims and the actions we can take to report a crime of sexual violence.

Click here to view and download the information and support booklet

Remember you are not alone, there are people you can talk to If you or any one you know have been effected by sexual violence you can find support with Donegal Sexual Abuse & Rape Crisis Centre, call them for free on 1800 44 88 44.

Where do Donegal Councillors Stand on issues of Equality and Social Inclusion?

Sep3

Where do the 37 Donegal County Councillors stand on issues relating to Childcare, Cuts to Carers, Domestic Abuse + Violence Against Women, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT), Travellers, Women’s Political Representation and Equality within our society?

In early 2014, The National Women’s Collective- Donegal Women’s Network held a number of meetings to hear and collect what are the main issues locally and nationally for women in Donegal. Some of the issues discussed and debated were the lack of women’s representation, lack of local training and employment issues, cuts to home helps and services for the older person and people with disabilities, domestic abuse, lack of transport and accessible affordable community child-care. These meetings were supported by Longford Women’s Manifesto Project.

Following on from these meetings a questionnaire was designed by Network and an “Open Invitation” was sent out to the Donegal Councillors.

To-date the responses we have received have been insightful and we are delighted that all of the councillors who responded stated that they would work towards upholding and promoting the ethos of social inclusion, equality and human rights. Those who responded all agreed that gender equality is a fundamental principle underpinning the concept of social justice, and human and civil rights in Ireland. And they further All pledged to sign up to the MAN UP campaign and to undertake a half day workshop on domestic violence in 2014 that would be delivered by Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service.

To read your local councillors full responses to our questions please click on their picture and you will be taken to their individual response.