On 14th March 2021, Ireland celebrated Mothering Sunday a day to pay tribute to all the mammies and mothering figures in our lives, past, present and future. In this women’s lives, women’s voices feature, Grace Gerry reflects on her memories of her last mother and the love for baking her mother has passed on to her.
I pull out the greaseproof baking inserts for the loaf tins from the lower kitchen cupboard, in behind the Pyrex dishes and cake tins. And then I realise the last person to touch them was my mother, and she died ten weeks ago. It strikes me with a sad blow. She will never bake again. My sister showed me a photo recently that she took of my mother sitting in front of these same loaf tins at the kitchen table, the tins filled to the brim with boiled cake. Was this the last time she baked? When was that? Was it really only a little more than a year ago that my 94-year-old mother had baked these cakes?
Today I decide to make a lemon and orange cake. It is a quiet afternoon; the kitchen is tidy; I am alone and I love to bake. I measure out the butter, which is nicely soft from hours sitting on a plate in a warm room. I weigh the castor sugar followed by the self-raising flour, the eggs, the milk, and the baking powder. Today I am taking my time to get organised, assembling all the cake ingredients mindfully on the kitchen table before I start. I turn on the oven to 190 degrees, pull out the non-stick loaf tins and line them with the baking inserts. They are so much handier than greasing the tins to stop the cakes sticking.
I open the Styrofoam container of free-range eggs and crack each of them into my mother’s Pyrex bowl, a perfect size for the job. She always advised me to crack each individual egg into a cup first to make sure it wasn’t bad. I take my chances and crack each one in on top of the other, adding several tablespoons of milk according to the recipe and orange essence.
I recently bought a micro plane grater-zester, which is a great gadget for taking rind off citrus fruits. As I drag it around the freshly washed orange and lemon, the rind gathers in the folds in the device and falls into the bowl in clumps below. Later, the microplane releases a wonderful citrus scent as I wash it under the hot tap.
Now that I’ve measured everything, I put it all into the mixing bowl, retrieve the mixer and push the blades firmly in place, ready for action. I will leave the rind to stir into the mix at the end. Otherwise it clings to the blades. Three minutes later the cake mixture looks well blended and I use a spoon to stir in the fragrant citrus rind.
I carry the bowl of cake batter over to the kitchen table and ladle globs of it into the lined loaf tins, aiming to make both cakes the same size. I smooth out the surface of the cakes with the back of a spoon, open the heated oven, and arrange them on the top shelf.
With the timer set for thirty minutes I wash up the sieve, the mixing bowl, the mixing blades; tidy away the flour, baking powder, castor sugar and the eggs and wipe the kitchen table and counters. The cakes send out an aroma of sweet baking.
It’s time to make the icing. I search for a glaze icing recipe that involve orange juice and icing sugar. I find one and squeeze out an orange and lemon juice combination and pare the rind from a second orange as I have already used up the rest in the cake. After I have measured the icing sugar into a bowl, I wonder if it will be too dry. But as I stir in the fresh orange juice and rind it looks perfect, not too dry and not overly runny.
The oven alarm rings so I check the twin cakes. I take one out, push down on its top with my finger and it springs up again. It’s done. I turn off the oven and the kitchen is suddenly quiet as the drone of the oven fan is missing. I leave the cakes in their tins for a while to cool down, then spoon the icing over the top. I am not sure how it’s going to behave. It spreads nicely and drizzles down the sides. I keep heaping it on top of the two cakes until I use it up. They smell divine, a mix of hot cake and warm orange and lemon scent.
Once they are cool, I make a cup of tea and share a slice with my brother. It tastes divine. I know however if I don’t give them away they will tempt me to eat too much. I decide who to give them to and slide the cakes back into their tins for ease of carrying.
I ring the lucky recipient. They are at home, careful because of Covid. I tell them about the cake delivery and they are pleased. I drive a mile or two to their house and have a chat at the door. I suggest they lift the cake out by its paper insert and return the tin to me. They are delighted with the unexpected gift and I am glad to share it.
As I drive back home, I think about my mother. I am surprised how alike we are. She too loved to bake and to share it with neighbours and friends. Noticing the ways we were similar is warmly comforting, and while baking can never bring her back, every cake I make will always remind me of her.
Below is a boiled cake hand written recipe by Grace’s mother and an orange drizzle recipe from 1967.
NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.
In this Women’s Live’s, Women’s Voice’ feature in support of the 16 days of action campaign Donegal local Jenna talks about the issue of domestic abuse, highlighting why it’s so important to understand the realities of victims and survivors.
Did you know Ireland is currently taking part in the annual International campaign known as the 16 Days of Action? This internationally recognised campaign runs from 25th November (UN Day For the Elimination of Violence against Women) to 10th December 2020 (International Human Rights Day). It is a campaign used to highlight the issue of gender based violence and an organising strategy by individuals and organisations around the world to call for the prevention and elimination of violence against women and girls. (UN Women)
Gender-Based Violence refers to “violence that is directed against a person on the basis of gender or sex and includes acts that inflict physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other denials of freedom” (cosc.ie)
And while both men and women can experience gender based violence the reality however remains that in 2020 it is women and girls who are disproportionately affected by this violence. With 1 in 4 women in Ireland having experienced domestic abuse by a current or former partner. (Women’s Aid)
Why doesn’t she just leave him?
By nature people are quick to form judgments. Have you ever sat just drinking a coffee and watching strangers pass by as you contemplate what kind of people they may be? I think it’s normal for us to create stories in our minds now and again about the lives of others and the characteristics they may possess.
Or maybe you can think of a time when you have read or watched a news story on television and had speculated about those involved and how they might have found themselves in a certain situation.
We take in what we can see in front of us and somehow our brains begin to connect the dots and form opinions about people. Maybe in some cases we judge correctly but in others we are just guessing without any real depth of knowledge.
Perhaps it is something we can teach ourselves to refrain from doing. Maybe sometimes we need to take a step back and really truly think about the person we are making the assumptions about.
“Before you judge my life, my past or my character, walk in my shoes, walk the path I have travelled, live my sorrow, my doubts, my fear, my pain and my laughter” – Unknown
After my sister’s death last year I learned a lot of life lessons that I’d never imagined I would have to. I had to face things that I would never have dreamed could have happened to our family. I definitely learned that we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives and the difficulties they face.
Since Jasmine died I think that people feel as though they can talk to me about their own problems more so than a person who hasn’t experienced this tragedy. Through this difficult journey I have had several women talk to me about their past experiences with domestic violence or the current situation that they are in.
I truly don’t think that enough people are aware of the extent of people who are having to deal with gender based violence in their lives. So many of the victims who I have spoken to are probably the women who society would ‘never expect’ would find themselves in a situation like that. But unfortunately this type of violence is happening more than we think.
Why doesn’t she just leave him? A question that has probably been asked a million times. Maybe to some people this is a logical question. Just walk away. Simple? Every million times this question is asked there are another million responses as to why this question isn’t in fact helpful or logical.
When I was asked to take part in 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence I knew that I had to take this opportunity to share some of the reasons that the women I have spoken to share with me.
One of the reasons that came up over and over again was because of the children.
“A mother will do almost anything to protect her child and I stayed because I didn’t know what could happen if I tried to leave.” – Lady 1
“I felt as though I was trapped and if I moved then my children would be in danger” – Lady 2
Another reason that we discussed was the guilt that the victim is made to feel.
“I stayed with him because he said he was going to kill himself and it would be all my fault ” – Lady 3
This type of threat was also used against a victim but while adding the extra danger by involving the child. “I stayed with him because he threatened to kill himself or run away with our daughter if I left” – Lady 4
Other reasons why these women stayed included an immense sense of fear. A feeling of shame about the situation they are in and also financial constraints. If they left, where would they go, how could they leave without the money to escape.
But all of the victims I spoke to did express something that it is so important, that gender based violence becomes something that people are more aware of. That questions and judgmental statements aren’t helpful in preventing it from happening. Awareness is key and in order to help these people we must understand that everything isn’t always black and white and there are so many factors involved in these extremely dangerous circumstances.
So why doesn’t she just leave him? It’s most definitely not that simple.
Please know you are not alone, there are people you can talk to. If you or any one you know have been effected by domestic abuse you can find support with the following services;
Local county wide support in Donegal
Donegal Women’s Domestic Violence Service is a frontline service providing crisis accommodation, 24 hr helpline, support (1800262677) and information and outreach service throughout the County to women and their children who are victims of domestic violence.
Donegal Women’s Centre operate a domestic violence counselling service delivered in the Donegal Women’s Centre with outreach centres in, Killybegs, Ballyshannon, Falcarragh, Dungloe and Carndonagh. Call 074 91 24985 for appointment or more information
National support in Ireland
Women’s Aid Ireland Freephone Helpline (1800 341 900) operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and provides support and information to callers experiencing abuse from intimate partners.
Safe Ireland You can find a list of County services across Ireland here.
Men’s Aid Ireland is a service for men who are experiencing domestic violence. You can call them on 01 554 3811or email hello@mensaid.ie. Their helpline is open Monday to Friday, from 9am to 5pm.
The National Office for Victims of Abuse provides assistance, support and advice for people in abusive relationships. Freephone 1800 252 524.
Anyone who may wish to report or discuss an incident of Domestic or Sexual Violence can contact 112/999 or their local Garda Station.
NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.
In this Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices feature,Donegal Town Local Theresa Morrow, wife mother and grandmother speaks about her faith and how she has found peace and joy from within amongst the most challenging and arduous of times.
In the midst of life’s trials and with the added unexplainable Covid-19, I want to share with you a beautiful story of Love, Forgiveness, and Faith.
As women we seem to be relied upon by others and carry the heavy burden of responsibility, caring for children, husband, parents, friends, career, home, school, etc.
I have been blessed in so many ways, but if I am honest there were times when I would have loved to run and hide from it all, hoping to escape the entire world, so I would for once not feel responsible for any of it.
Four years ago, this January, our Grandson was born with congenital heart defect, this is a life-threatening condition. Between life’s trials and total helplessness in the current situation I literally fell on my knees one night and sobbed to God “ If your there God show me the way, Please God show me the way” at the same time repenting of things I felt may have offended God in my life, I got up washed my face got on with my day, not realising what God was about to do in my life.
I met a lady a few days later that told me God had changed her life through spending time in scripture reading and studying The Bible. I immediately was drawn to this Bible study, where remarkably to me I got such peace from the promise and assurance that God had heard my cry. As I read the scriptures it made sense, Jesus died for me and was alive in heaven waiting on me to invite him into my heart to have a relationship with him, now it must be my move, as he had given us free will to follow him or not our choice. As soon as I asked him to be Lord of my Life, and when I let the barriers down and opened my heart, he filled me with The Love of God and in turn that love in me radiates out to others, I feel joy and a peace as he promised, compassion ,kindness, better able to understand the struggles people carry, and wanting them to receive this wonderful free gift of Grace from God in his son Jesus Christ.
Life still holds its daily struggles, but there is a great comfort of walking with The Saviour daily. His love is there from the beginning and will be there for all eternity. He says he comes to heal the sick, mend the broken hearts, give comfort and an abundant life. My Grandson still had hospital appointments, surgery, but whatever happens God used him to bring Light into our hearts where there was darkness and fear for his future and ours, now I know we are held in God’s love.
I now see the fruits of how faith has transformed the life of others, also family members who believe and have surrendered to the Saviour of The World. We may blame others and their short comings for our own utter despair, not knowing what is missing until we receive it. This gift of Grace has been given to me by God our creator and Heavenly Father, it is by asking that we receive it is by listening that we hear.
Most of all I feel a deep sense of Peace, Joy, Trust and Faith. I am divinely led and feel divinely protected on my daily walk in this world.
God gave us eternal life through his son Jesus and promised to send all who receive and walk with him His Holy Spirit. When The Holy Spirit connects with our spirit we are then complete in person and are now his children, all his Blessings pour into our lives on earth also the gift of assurance of salvation in death. In Christ I have found what was missing in my life, an emptiness that no one or nothing else could fill.
It didn’t happen overnight it is not a sprint but a beautiful marathon of learning understanding and knowing, that will be with you for the rest of your life.
We can have all the religion in the world and still not know Our Heavenly Father and Saviour. This is the power of God at work in our everyday lives all that is required is an open heart and a seeking soul. Jesus said “I am the way the truth and the life nobody comes to the Father except through me”.
If you feel inspired by what I have shared, there is a number of Bible readings, studying the word together and growing in understanding of God. Bible Study takes place in The Mustard Seed Donegal Town, Ard na Breatha Donegal Town, Community Centre Ardara, Bride Church Bruckless, Ballintra, Donegal Town, Letterkenny, Donegal Group of Parishes etc.etc.
There are numerous Bible studies available on zoom during Covid 19, details through email address below, also Alpha Course by Nicky Gumbel available as group studies.
I also made a CD of my experience to glorify God and help lead you to this gift of Grace, it is free for anyone who would like a copy. You can email me at info@ardnabreatha.com for more information.
Thank you
Theresa x
NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.
In this Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices feature, Inishowen woman Michaela Mc Daid shares her extensive personal and professional experience of mental health and how this led her to Ecotherapy. She also outlines Nature in Mind courses and why the facilitation she provides in Ecotherapy is so popular in the North West.
It’s Personal
Mental health has profoundly impacted all areas of my personal life. At 16 I lost my only sister Katrina to suicide. She called me and I resuscitated her, but she still died. She was 18. By age 20 I still hadn’t grieved the loss of my sister, or talked about the trauma and tragedy of her death. When I sought professional help, I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti- depressants. This made it easier not to talk, and just keep going. So, that’s what I did.
In the 20 years that followed I moved house 11 times between Donegal, London, Derry and Donegal again. Teenage pregnancy, single parenthood, financial pressure, an abusive relationship and addiction were all life experiences that layered stress on top of my vulnerable emotional health. There was also more grief; I lost my Mum in my 20’s and Dad in my 30’s. My constant underlying feeling was of being utterly alone.
During this time, ‘depression’ was a very private battle. I was consumed by self loathing, often numb with sadness and felt completely disconnected. But I only ever cried inwardly, screamed silently and hurt myself in secret. To the outside world, I was a bubbly fitness instructor, motivating others through high energy aerobics classes with a wide smile and perfect physique. I also returned to education and excelled academically, graduating top of my class and earning a scholarship for post graduate studies. I was a loving and conscientious Mother, managing a well kept home. I was also a sociable and popular friend, always the ‘together one’ that others came to for support.
As a patient of mental health services, I was compliant and co-operative. I took medications as prescribed and engaged fully with psychiatrists, psychotherapists, mental health nurses and counsellors. I attended support group meetings and educated myself with countless self help books. I fully accepted that I was ‘unwell’ and would have done anything to get better.
Then, in my 30’s I experienced elation and psychosis, was re-diagnosed bipolar and prescribed lithium. With this diagnosis came a sense of relief that maybe I had previously been misdiagnosed, so now things would get better. Things got worse; the highs got higher and the lows got lower. This intensity coupled with sheer exhaustion, resulted in more frequent and commanding suicidal thoughts. Twice, I was hospitalised for my own safety. My ever changing prescription now consisted of daily anti-depressant, mood stabiliser, anti – psychotics, anti- anxiety and sleeping medications. I wasn’t forty yet.
It’s Professional
Running parallel to this personal experience was a very successful career, being described as ‘high functioning’ meant both were possible. I knew my calling was to work in mental health, but wasn’t attracted to psychiatry, nursing or clinical settings, I was equally unsure of a role in psychotherapy or counselling. My heart was in the community and I believed passionately in education as empowerment.
I worked throughout Northern Ireland and Donegal for Aware, Action Mental Health, National Learning Network and freelance; devising and delivering educational programmes, facilitating support groups and voluntarily advocating for other service users. In these various roles, I was privileged to work with the broadest cross section of our society; urban and rural, all age groups, in schools, universities, community settings, churches, ethnic minority groups, traveller projects, LGBTQ+, the prison population, disability groups, domestic violence survivors, sports clubs and businesses.
The appetite for knowledge on the subject was striking, and listening attentively to peoples’ experiences of mental health and illness meant that I learned as much as I taught. ‘Being heard’ and ‘feeling connected’ were the most common responses to the question ‘what helped?’ This resonated deeply with me. There was another theme that I heard over and over again: “Gardening . . . . pets . . . .fishing . . . . the park . .. the beach . . . outdoors.” It was nature. Without direction, irrespective of background, people repeatedly told me that they were drawn to nature for easing mental and emotional distress.
I reviewed my own mental health history and the correlation was equally strong. When I struggled in London, I went to Hampstead Heath. When I struggled in Derry I walked my dog on the country roads outside the city. Even when I was an inpatient on suicide watch in Gransha, my greatest motivation for discharge was to get to the woods beside the hospital! The more dis-eased I was, the stronger the pull to be in green outdoor spaces.
Having exhausted every external treatment available to me, I chose for the first time to consciously tune in to my intuition, and let it guide my healing. I moved to the countryside and immersed myself in nature; gardening, hill-walking and sea swimming. I didn’t know then that what I was doing had a name; Ecotherapy. The results were incredible. Within three years I was entirely medication free, with no depression, elation, anxiety or psychosis. I was enjoying better mental and physical health than I had ever known, or thought possible.
I was mindful that my experience was unique to me and that medication and talking therapies were beneficial for many. But remained convinced that reconnecting with nature is a powerful, accessible and free way to improve mental health, yet this value isn’t reflected in services.
With serendipity I found Solas Donegal, a HSE mental health recovery programme using a model of walking, talking and listening in green spaces. Having operated successfully in Falcarragh for many years, Solas opened a part time service in Buncrana in early 2019 and I was employed as a peer support worker. Completing Ecotherapy training gave me the history, framework, references, evidence and language for what I already knew; nature heals. This isn’t some hippy dippy, tree hugging nonsense, or just something that works for me. This is an evidence based, globally recognised approach to mental health care that predates both psychotherapy and the medical model.
It Just Makes Sense
Through Solas, I attended the Critical Perspectives in Mental Health Conferencein University College Cork which brought together pioneering projects offering user centred, non – medical, context and trauma- informed ways of helping people experiencing mental distress and crisis. These projects were centre stage instead of being sidelined as ‘alternative’, as they had been in the countless conferences I had attended throughout my career. As well as the personal stories, I was captivated by the multi – disciplinary, world renowned specialists presenting academic research, irrefutable evidence and statistics that challenged the current system and dominance of the medical model. The language was that of education, empathy, compassion, holding space, co-production, peer-support, creativity, community and open dialogue. All that I had felt, experienced and believed was not only being taken seriously, but was recognised as an effective approach to mental health care. Now I had a clear direction for my purpose and passion.
The success of Solas further underlined my learning. Participants are referred to the programme from within the HSE mental health team, so are already ‘in the system’ receiving treatment and support for (often chronic) mental illness. Without a doubt; walking, talking and listening in green spaces was having a hugely positive impact on their mental health. My background in the community sector meant my focus remained on a proactive and preventative approach through education, empowerment and building resilience, before a person became unwell, and before they were in the system.
I devised ‘Nature in Mind’ courses with a view to supporting people with Ecotherapy, no matter where they were on the mental health spectrum. A person with good mental health, taking the initiative to apply self care, or a person with a diagnosis of a mental illness and currently using medication and/ or talking therapies would both benefit, so why make a distinction? There is no waiting list, assessment, analysis, diagnosis or side effects. These courses are not support groups, counselling or psychotherapy. It is much simpler than that. It is human connection, stillness and creating time and space for the healing power of nature and the outdoors.
I’m not the therapist – nature is! The relationship between participant and nature already exists, but may have been ignored or undervalued. As a facilitator, I highlight and strengthen this relationship in three ways: education, experience and connection. I provide mental health education and a broad knowledge of Ecotherapy in a relaxed and informal way, without a PowerPoint presentation! This explains why nature is good for us. How nature is good for us is highlighted through the experience of forest bathing, sea swimming, hiking, guided walks and woodland retreats.
For longer courses I also connect groups with co- facilitators who have a deeper knowledge and expertise in a specific area such as horticulture, foraging, animal assisted therapy, fly fishing, care farming and bushcraft. Courses for specific groups are imbedded in their local community, forging relationships that are sustainable after the course has ended. Long term attitudinal change is also supported through the ‘Keeping Nature in Mind’ element, which gives advice, discussion and practice to encourage small and practical ways of embracing nature every day, in an urban environment, and in participants own homes.
Group connection happens very naturally in the right environment, with the right facilitation. Time and space is held for participants to talk to each other and me, because simply having your voice heard is a vital part of emotional wellbeing. This is increasingly lost to hectic lifestyles, technology and social isolation. Within mental health support services, a ‘listening ear’ is often devalued in pursuit of analysis, record – keeping, diagnosis and intervention. A group dynamic is even more powerful when balanced with time for safe solitary reflection and an atmosphere contusive to participants only ever contributing as much as is comfortable for them.
Respectful that for some people, a group setting is always difficult, I also offer one to one sessions. These can be used as an introduction prior to joining a group, as extra support whilst part of the group, or as a preferable alternative. Meeting people wherever they are up to is not only critical for meaningful engagement, it is also kind.
For many, the experience of corona virus and lockdown has led to a renewed appreciation of the simple things in life. Ecotherapy celebrates simplicity by stripping back the layers of our lives that can be so stifling, allowing us to breathe deeply. I believe that the hugely positive interest in Donegal is partly due to the accessibility of beautiful outdoor spaces. It is also the ‘common sense’ part, that connecting to nature, each other and ourselves makes us feel better. What could be more important than that?
Remember you are not alone, there are people you can talk to. If you or any one you know needs some support for your mental health, please know you can find support with the following services;
24/7 Freephone Tel: 1800 247 247 or Text HELP to 51444
Professional one-to-one therapeutic service to people who are in suicidal distress, those who engage in self-harm, and those bereaved by suicide. All services are provided free of charge and no referral is needed.
Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental support, 24 hours a day for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide.
NCCWN Donegal are always looking for women to share their stories and looking for women to write features on topics of their choice which we will profile as part of our Women’s Lives, Women’s Voices’ series.
Women's Collective Donegal 